It has taken eight months for my homesickness to set in. I am surprised as anyone that it should arrive while I am in beautiful Hawaii. Perhaps though it is precisely because I am in such a beautiful place that I am so aware of missing Seattle.
Most of this trip I have moved from place to place with only a few days or perhaps a week at each spot. During the summer my home base was New Jersey and my sister’s house. I did not feel homesick there but then in a way I was home, the home area I grew up in. The land was familiar, the weather familiar and the people I mostly saw and connected with I had know all or most of my life.
When I left the east and headed back to Seattle, on my way to Hawaii, I was annoyed to be in Seattle. The grey of the fall had begun, it seemed like I had never left and whatever big AH HA I thought I would have in my year of travel had not happened. I still wanted to move on, explore new places and be in the sun.
I had a taste of homesickness on Maui. I began to realize that even in Paradise, every day life creeps in and the weather alone does not give meaning to life. I began to yearn for the deep connections I had in Seattle. I talked more often to the friends that I had who had been with me through the 27 years I have been there. Now I was in a place where I knew almost no one and I wasn’t just traveling and I wasn’t working and I felt lonely in a way that I hadn’t yet on this adventure.
My brief time a Kalani Retreat Center confirmed for me that the time of isolation and retreat was ended and it was time to move into a more active involvement with the world. When I contacted my friend in Kona and had the opportunity to move there I was thrilled.
In the last month I have learned, perhaps, the most important lessons of my trip. Here in Kona I have connected with a small group of women who have been so kind and generous. I have some work to structure my days and the weather is great. Still I have a growing sense of homesickness – what is that about? I even found myself wishing I could put on long pants and a sweater!
Moving to a place where I have little or no long-term connections is hard at 53, even when I am here for a few months. In order to tell something about my history or myself I generally have to tell 3-4 things first. The investment I have in my community in Seattle has become so much clearer to me now. While the weather is great here, the everyday hassles of living are just like they are anywhere. There is also a bit of a guilty feeling that creeps in if you don’t feel great everyday – since the beauty and sunny weather are all around you as are so many happy faced tourists.
I now know that WHO I spend my life with is more important than WHERE I spend it. If I were partnered I could imagine living away from Seattle more. I would know that each day I would have someone who knew me as I developed friendships. People in midlife have settled on friends for the most part. Oh, we let in a few more here and there but the richness of long-term friends is so important. We have been through so much of life together.
So I am making plans to head back to Seattle, probably after the New Year. I would love to be here during the winter months but that time will come. For now I will work to keep the sun in my heart as well as the new love I have discovered for my hometown.
