Churches

I love looking at churches. I sort of knew this about me on trips before but on this trip it has become very evident. I go for the historical ones. It doesn’t matter what denomination – what matters is the look, the architecture, and the history. I like trying to guess what denomination a Christian Church is before I see the sign. I am right most of the time.

Now there is a reason in part for my fascination. I am a minister by education and part of my work life, so being around churches has filled me with meaning and a connection with a higher power. There is a comfort and safety I experience often in a church building.

The first church I saw on this trip was the mission church of Santa Clara in California. It was part of the trail of missions built in the early 1800’s. Thick adobe walls and shining tile floors made for a cool dark interior that was restful and peaceful. The next church I remember seeing was the Cathedral of the Rock, a Catholic Church built into the Red Rocks near Sedona, AZ. The son of Frank Lloyd Wright designed it. It is modern and organically connected to the environment, with huge glass windows so the outside was part of the inside. Amazing

In Tombstone, AZ I saw the outside of the historic church that stood there when the shootout at the OK Corral happened and in Bisbee, AZ I went to Easter Sunday services at the historic Episcopal Church, a small warm and friendly place that welcomed me well.

In Texas I saw three of the famous ‘Painted Churches” between Austinand Houston. Immigrants from Eastern Europe built them and painted them very vivid colors on the inside. The buildings were country gothic and way out in the country. In Galveston I saw the historic Catholic Church, all white stucco and very imposing. It was in the only part of town that survived the hurricane that wiped out Galveston 100 years ago.

I saw the church that has meant the most to me the day after I visited with my friend near New Orleans. I headed east on Interstate 10 and took the Gulfport, MS exit. Twenty-eight years ago I had driven route 90 along the Gulf coast on my way to visit that same friend and had loved Biloxi, MS. Now I knew that Hurricane Katrina and Rita had destroyed much. I didn’t want to see it but I knew I needed to.

The image that will forever stay with me was about a church. I drove the road and to my right I would see beautiful white beach, sparkling water and calm winds. To my left I saw what I first thought must be ancient ruins. As I looked closer I could see that they were steps going up to – a concrete slab – the slab that a huge building had been on but now was gone. At the back of the slab, in the corner of the slab, stood a steeple, the only thing left of the church. It was white clapboard and badly in need of repair and paint but it was in one piece. The steeple – the symbol of the church had survived. Next to the property was a sign for the church, which proclaimed that it would be rebuilt.

Faith is a powerful thing. Destruction of property cannot destroy the faith and hope of the people. That church was a symbol of the community that the hurricane would not have the last word. While I love the buildings, it is the community that makes the church.

Weekly Update 4

Time seems to be flying by. I have now been on the road for one month. REMEMBER IF YOU WANT TO SEE PEEPS PICTURES: http://web.mac.com/estellas

I love: Seeing new things especially native wildflowers and unique regional sites, hearing new sounds – birds are so different in different parts of the country, and learning about the places I am in (I read all the local papers).

I don’t like: Drivers who pass on the right, big tracker trailers going 75 miles per hour and lugging stuff in and out of the car.


Now the update:

April 18, 2007: I left Galveston TX and took the free ferry across the bay to make my way to Louisiana. I bought gas for the cheapest this trip ($2.63) in Beaumont, Texas and then said goodbye to that huge state. Drivers in LA are the fastest and craziest I have encountered! I stopped in Baton Rouge and saw the historic state house (beautiful!) and of course – the Mississippi River. I called a few friends in Seattle and sang Old Man River to them! There is a great walk along the river and it was a beautiful day. I finished the day by arriving at my friend’s house in Ponchatoula, LA, on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain between Baton Rouge and New Orleans.

April 19,2007: Marie and I have known each other since third grade and had not seen each other in 28 years so we caught up a lot! I got a tour of the area and saw the destruction from Hurricane Katrina. We had a great LA lunch by the lake and talked and talked and talked.

April 20,2007: I bid my friend goodbye and headed east and north. I drove the state road between Gulfport and Biloxi, Mississippi. It was very emotionally to see the devastation from the hurricane. I will write more in a separate entry. I ended up the day in La Grange, Georgia. I ate dinner at a real southern buffet: fried chicken, fried okra and fried catfish!

April 21,2007: I arrive in Huntersville, NC just north of Charlotte to visit with a friend from graduate school days. She has two sons (twins) about to graduate high school that are heavily involved with soccer. I had the chance to attend a tournament with them. It was great fun to watch them and meet NC folks.

April 22, 2007: This was the second day of the tournament – the boys’ team made to the finals but lost. We had another beautiful day and I got to try Bojangles’ famous chicken’n biscuits – a southern tradition. Luckily we got to walk and exercise too or I would be pretty heavy by now!

I will be here a few more days and then move on. I expect to be in New Jersey in a week and off the road for a while. I will keep updating you all. Thanks for reading!

Ghost Riders

While driving across the bleakest part of Texas today I had an experience of being ‘visited’ by a number of family, boyfriends, friends who had died. Now before you think I have gone completely mad on this trip, let me explain.

I left El Paso, TX driving east on Interstate 10 for my first full day of Texas driving. Folks here get an 80-mile per hour speed limit and they use it! I couldn’t keep up mostly because that day there was 20-30 mile per hour perpendicular winds blowing and keeping my little Ford Focus station wagon on the road was hard. West Texas is barren but hilly and so that added to the wind and the bleakness. Still it was sunny and I was feeling good. My plan was to make it to milepost 400. Did you know that Texas is 100 miles wider on the interstate than California is long?

Anyway, I was driving and singing to music and thinking about all the different family and friends in my life. Having just finished reading all my journals I was aware of so many memories. In those journals I had found dried flowers and butterfly wings- tiny mementos of important days I could no longer remember. I had thought I would release them in the Rio Grande in El Paso but didn’t find a good place to so I still had them with me. I wanted to let them go before leaving Texas but didn’t know how or when.

That’s when the first ghost appeared in the passenger seat. I got the very visceral feeling that my first serious boyfriend, a man who later died in his 40’s was sitting in my car saying hello. If I looked straight ahead I could clearly see him out of my peripheral vision but if I turned directly towards the passenger seat I saw nothing.

He said hello and I was thrilled to experience him. I wasn’t scared nor did I think it was strange for him to be there, I was just happy to be with him again. We talked. He wished me well and supported my trip and then in a flash I sensed he was gone and my old friend from high school who died at the age of 33 popped into the seat. She asked if she could smoke in the car (she always was a big smoker) I said “No”. Again she gave me words of encouragement and messages of love.

Soon there were others in the back seat. All were friends and family I had lost, a child- hood friend, my mother and father, an uncle and the brother of a friend. I kept thinking I was making this all up but they were each so distinct and different that I couldn’t have. Each one came to sit in the front when the last one was finished. Each one when finished seemed to fly out the window into the desert.

I had great conversations with them all and tears and messages of love from them all. Some had messages for other people. It was an amazing experience. As suddenly as it began, they all left and the expereince was over. It lasted 20 minutes or more. As I got off the highway for a pit stop in a small town in the most barren part of Texas I decided now was the time to let go of all those mementos from the journals so I opened the window and held each handful out the window and watched the flowers etc. blow away.

I knew I had let go of all that I needed to from the past and yet held onto the love. I laughed and thanked them all for being on this journey with me.

Update 3

I checked the blog and I have been remiss in updating everyone. So sorry!

April 7 & 8th I spent in Bisbee AZ throwing out the last of my journals and having a wonderful Easter. I attended a great Episcopal Service and joined the congregation for lunch afterwards.

April 9 – I bid Bisbee farewell and started my trek further east. While driving through the desert in AZ towards Interstate 10 I saw a cloud in the shape of a heart. I was blessed! The trip to El Paso was uneventful and boring, although I did cross the continental divide!

April 10 – I drove from El Paso to Sonora, TX. I had 20 – 30 mile and hour winds the whole day that made for hard driving- that combined with the 80 mile per hour speed limit. Folks drive fast in Texas. I saw a truck that said “ Cowboys for Jesus “ and knew I wasn’t in Seattle anymore. I had a Ghost rider experience that I will post in another day or so – stay tuned!

April 11 – I made it to Georgetown, TX 30 miles north of Austin. Relatives of a good friend offered to put me up. I still wasn’t half way through Texas. Did you know Texas is 100 miles longer across than California is long???

April 12 – 15 – I had a great time in the Austin area. I got a tour of downtown Austin – state capital, got to walk a fabulous nature trail and met lots of wonderful warm, friendly people. We went 30 miles west to the town of Burnet to the Bluebonnet Festival and then to Longhorn Caverns where we got to attend a great concert – in the caverns!

I left on the 15th – sad to say goodbye to new friends and traveled south through an area that had wonderful churches built in the 1800’s that were colorfully painted inside. They are known as the painted churches.

April 16, 2007 Now I am looking at the Gulf of Mexico in Galveston TX. I will soak up some sun and walk the beach and reflect on my time in Texas. Thousands of bluebonnet flowers and other wild flowers, friendly people and miles and miles of road. The trip is wonderful!

Reading Diaries

My first diary was given to me by my best friend Marie, in sixth grade. It was white and had a small key to go with it. The first entry is on March 10th, 1966. It was the day my father died from cancer. I was twelve. We gave each other diaries for the next six years and I wrote each day.

In college I started to write journals. I kept them all and when I left for this adventure I put all the diaries and all the journals I could find and threw them on the floor of the back seat of my car. I think there were over 20 of them. I had decided I would read them all- start to finish and as I finished one I would remove pages I wanted to keep or copy items into my new journal and then I would throw out the old one.

Yesterday I finished reading them all. My life story from12 to 53 is now scattered in dumpsters from Oregon to Arizona and if feels good. I have let go of the past without regret.

It was fascinating to see in the early years what I wrote down. The diaries are filled with facts about when I got up, what we had for dinner and the fretting of a young teenager – what boys I liked and who I hoped liked me, what girls I fighting with as friends and the annoyance of getting along with parents. So much wasn’t there though. Reading would remind me of other events – some in the family and some in the world – but there was not one mention of them.

In high school I wrote about grades and boys and why I didn’t feel part of the ‘in’ group. I had my first serious boyfriend starting my junior year and page after page I proclaimed my love for him. Still a lot of family difficulties that I know happened during those years are not mentioned – was it not safe to write about or did I just want to avoid looking at those things?

There are journals filled with prayers and lists of vision statements and goals. There are pages of career wonderings and trying to figure out relationships. There is not much about the outside world – just the inside of Libbie. So much of it, I found boring now.

Could it be that now I just want to be with life and not analysis it? Trying to figure things out all these years doesn’t seem to have been all that useful. I was trying to ‘do’ life and not much ‘be’ in my life.

After college the journals get spotty. I write for a while and then stop. I enjoyed reading about the months before I got pregnant with my daughter as well as the pregnancy and first year of her life. Too often though, the journals are filled with whining and sadness and complaint. I guess I only wrote when life wasn’t feeling good.

In the diary when I was 16 I wrote out list of things to do. Number 19 was “ Don’t look for the hidden meaning in everything”. I laughed out loud. I have been doing that my whole life! I still do it. Reading the journals was an exercise in finding the hidden meaning in these past 53 years. What did I find? I am a sensitive seeker of life. I am now ready to experience the deeper, hidden meaning of life rather than wonder and fuss about it.

I wrote a new number 19 in my new journal. It says: Be open to living the deeper meaning of life. That’s what I am doing!

Weekly Update 11

Bisbee, AZ

March 31, 2007 – I left Sedona in the morning and visited the Cathedral of the Rock. This beautiful church was built into the Red Rocks of Sedona. It was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright’s son and was amazing! From there, I journeyed to the little town of Jerome, AZ. It was built into the side of the mountains at over 6000 ft of elevation. An old mining town, it is now an artist place that visitors come to. There are amazing views of snow capped mountains and Red Rocks cliffs. The day was finished with a trek on Interstate 17 through Phoenix (I did get to see lots of tall standing Saguaro Cactus) to the Tucson area for the night.

April 1, 2007 – I spent the day traveling and stopping – all on my way to Bisbee, AZ.
First stop: Kartchner Caverns – These caverns were discovered by two 20 year olds in 1974 and kept secret for almost 20 years until they could figure out how to open them to people without ruining them. It’s a great tour and well worth the time and money.

Second stop: Tombstone AZ – home of the great shoot out at the OK Corral. Lots of tourists but fun. The best thing was seeing the world’s largest (from the Guinness Book of records) rose bush in bloom! It is a rambling rose that covers 8000 sq ft! It has tiny yellow blooms and they provide a viewing platform to see the blossoms.

Third stop: Holy Trinity Monastery in St. Davids: They had just finished Palm Sunday mass – The small church is quite lovely.

Finally Bisbee: I walked the town, got a motel for the week but spent the first night at a motel 4 miles from the Mexican border. Great Mexican food and I talked with folks from Mill Creek, WA.

April 2- 6, 2007: I have spent my time in Bisbee walking, reading, sitting in the sun, talking with locals, and visiting all the great art galleries and shops. I went to Sierra Vista (the big town with the Wal-Mart and Target stores) one day. It is 30 miles from Bisbee. I stopped for a hike by the San Pedro River that day as well.

I have seen pure white doves and dark green hummingbirds as well as 30 turkey buzzards flying at dusk. The people of Bisbee are very friendly. Many of them came here sort of like me- wanting a change in their lives.

WANT TO SEE MORE PICTURES??? TRY http://web.mac.com/estellas ( I think my new posting worked)

It is Holy Week and so it has been a retreat for me to take this time to me in one sunny place for the whole week. Next week? Texas!

Grand, Grand Canyon

I spent the night in Williams, AZ before going to the Grand Canyon. I had planned this to be my third National Park of the trip. I was going to go to Zion and Bryce Canyon but eight inches of snow the day I was going to go convinced me that I didn’t want to experience snow on this trip.

When I got up in the morning at Williams though it was 22 degrees! Spring comes late to the Rockies. I had a fun breakfast at the Route 66 diner and then headed to the park. I must have seen hundreds of pictures of the Grand Canyon in my life and part of me thought, “I could pass this up, I know what the Canyon looks like- pretty, but do I really need to see it?” This is a confession – I am sure that many of you reading this are aghast at my having those thoughts but it’s the truth.

Well the truth is actually bigger than that. The truth is I was afraid to see the Grand Canyon. I don’t like heights. I especially don’t like places where you can look over and down for miles on a small ledge. That’s part of why I didn’t like mountain pass driving. Recently, I had seen the news footage of the opening of the skywalk at the north rim of the Canyon. Folks could walk out on a glass walk- 75 feet over the canyon and look down over a mile above the Colorado River. I got sweaty just watching the news footage.

But I went. I drove the hour to the park and got a spot in the parking lot. Since it was cold and late March there were not tons of visitors. I knew what my fear was. I was afraid I would jump!

Jump? Why would I be afraid of doing that? Who would have a fear of that? Am I completely crazy? I walked the path on the rim towards the historic hotels of the park. I would see folks going beyond the path and taking pictures out on the ledges and I would get a catch in my throat. I helped some families take pictures and I looked OUT not down at the Canyon. Slowly I stopped my fearful heart long enough to really see the canyon. It was GRAND.

I was looking at eternity. I wanted everyone to be silent. The whole of life and history was there. I could see snow showers moving across the north side. I could see the colors of the layers of the history of this planet. I understood again the concept of AWE. I was in the presence of eternity and I wanted to be with it.

While I was taking this all in the most amazing thing happened. Three giant California condors soared by me right at eye level. They have made their home in the canyon as a way to preserve them from extinction. Their wingspan is larger than the Bald Eagle. They are majestic. Everyone stopped talking and watched them soar up and then down into the canyon. And then I knew why I feared myself jumping.

I wanted to fly. I wanted to soar through the canyon, through life. I wanted to be free of gravity like the giant Condors. I wanted to fly with eternity and yet still be in this world. The condors had their way, I am seeking mine.