A Place of Refuge

Every year, at the end of the year, I try to do something to let go of the year that is ending and to be open to the New Year. In past years I have gone to a women’s spa and received a sea salt scrub – scrubbing away the year ending and making my skins soft and new as a newborn to great the new year.

This year I am in Hawaii. I decided to go to the Place of Refuge: Pu’uhonua o Honaunau. A wall surrounds this beautiful place at the edge of the ocean. Lava fields frozen in their flow reach the water. The most recent wall of the sacred ground was constructed around 1650 and the bones of the great kings are included in the wall. These ancient kings protect the area. The pu’uhonua was a sanctuary that provided people a second chance. No blood could be shed within its confines. Warriors escaping invaders could come and be safe. So too could anyone who had broken a kapu – a taboo. When a kapu was broken the penalty was death –otherwise the gods would punish the people with an eruption or an earthquake.

If someone could get themselves to the place of refuge though, the priest performed a ceremony of absolution. Then the offender could safely return home. All respected the spirit of the sanctuary – the pu’uhonua.

I carefully walked out over the ancient lava flow to the sea and there I sat with 5 pieces of coral. I had five requests for absolution and letting go. I asked to be released fro all anger and fear. After each request, I threw a piece of coral into the sea. When I was done, I walked to the beach and swam with the sea turtles and the most beautiful bright yellow fish. I am ready to return home safely and to start a new adventure.

Learning to Float

I started swimming lessons when I was five or six years old. My older sisters could swim and I wanted to swim with them. Instead I had been stuck holding my mother’s hand at the edge of the surf as I watched them run into the ocean. They would laugh and body surf until my mom could tell that their lips had turn blue from the rather cold water off the coast of Maine. They would be shaking and shivering, insisting that they were not cold. Swimming lessons would let me be with the big kids.

I learned to swim fairly easily and moved through the classes from tadpoles to beginner swimmer. In middle school I took a junior lifesavers course. I was scared to take the course because I knew my secret would come out: I could not float. Being able to tread water and float were requirements for getting my junior lifesavers certificate. I could tread water quite well, but float? Whenever I tried – I sank. I could do the dead man’s float – head, face, and belly in the water with arms and legs stretched out but float on my back without going under – impossible.

I had all kinds of reasons in my mind as to why I couldn’t float. I was a small person – not quite five feet tall and then barely 95 lb. That must be why. Perhaps it was because I had such small breasts or too big of a butt, my thirteen year old mind concluded. Whatever the reason, no matter what I tried, I could not float. I would start out OK with my body straight out in front of me and my head back. After a minute or so, my legs would sink, and then slowly y torso, though I tried frantically to keep it from happening, my face would fill over with water and my head would go under. Before I knew it I was the object of the lifesaving lesson. I did somehow make it through the class but was told never to try to get a job as a lifeguard.

As years went by I found that swimming was not my favorite active. There was some connection to not being able to float but there were other things. Swimming meant getting wet and often in water that felt cold to me. When I could be in the tropics with warm weather, warm winds, and bathtub warm water, I loved to swim. Anything colder than 85 degree water is too cold for me. Since I live in the Northwest and indoor swimming pools are never that warm, I don’t often swim, and so I gave up ever hoping to float.

A few years ago, while talking with a friend, I shared my inability to float with her. “ I can teach you to float,” Jan said confidently. “ You’ll love it –it’s the most wonderful feeling.” I assured her that it was not possible but that made her even more determined. Jan swam almost every day and loved the water. “ I will teach to let go – that’s the most important part of floating.” Suddenly, a chord deep inside of me was struck.

“Letting go?” I don’t let go of anything. Friends often joked that my tombstone would read: “She finally let go…maybe.” I chew and worry and try to figure out anything and everything. Yet I yearn to let go – to relax and I try to little by little. Maybe this learning to float thing would be a step.

We met one morning at the municipal pool near Jan’s house. She was chatty and upbeat. I was struggling to get into a bathing suit and trying not to run out of he locker room or throw up. Goose bumps came up all over me as Jan described the wonderful feeling she got while floating . She loved to float in the sea and watch clouds pass by. I listened, tried to imagine what she was talking about and shivered. We made our way through the mandated shower before going out on the pool deck. There we climbed down into the water. My teeth were chattering as much from fear as the chilly water.

“The key to floating, Jan said, is to reach your arms out an up and relax into breathing. When you stretch out your arms it raises your lungs so you can breath more and – float” With that she demonstrated and a big smile of contentment came across her face. “You have to keep breathing too, holding your breath will not work”. I tried to do as she said, really I did. Finally for a few brief moments I floated, sort of. I did it! I didn’t sink! “That’s great! Now you just have to practice and relax and you’ll start really enjoying yourself,” my friend said as she ended the lesson.

I knew she was right. I knew it in my bones. Letting and relaxing into floating or work or life has always been a challenge to me. Building faith and letting go of worry comes when I breathe deeply, stretch out my arms to life and I trust.

And yet – I still feared the water and really couldn’t float like I would like. Here in Hawaii a group of women went out swimming the first week I was here. Unlike the pool we swam out over 1/3 of a mile. The water depth was 30 feet or so. I swam comfortably with a snorkel discovering that I enjoyed swimming so much more when I didn’t have to pull my head up and over to get air. Just the help of the snorkel was such a gift to my enjoyment. We got out to a point where a boat was anchored and I figured I would rest by holding onto the boat. I had swum more than I was used to and tired. But I couldn’t really reach a lace to hang on and then I panicked – I would have to tread water or FLOAT to rest.

I will also remember to loving women who surrounded me as I told them I really couldn’t float. Sure I had for a moment with Jan, but I never practiced and I was in far deeper water. They held on to me, tried to help me float but my butt keep sinking as it always had. Finally they did show me how to calmly tread water – to float upright so to speak. That really helped but still I was sad about my anxiety and fears in the water. I really wanted to float.

Two days ago I went out on a snorkel trip with a friend here. I had a plan. I knew on these chartered trips that they provided everything. So when it came time to snorkel, I put on a float belt and got in the water. A calm came over me that I never experienced in the water- not deep water. I could float! I was buoyant! It was so wonderful. I knew why other people enjoyed the water so much. I lay on my back and floated around when I wasn’t looking at the most amazing fish. I could stop and talk with my friend without fear.

With the help of supportive friends and the help I need personally, I float. I float on the currents of life and I let life and God carry me. When I was 12 and needed glasses to see, I didn’t judge myself for needing help to see. I don’t need that now either – or ever. I need the support of friends, to listen to what I know is true for me and to find the help in whatever form I need it to enjoy swimming or anything else. Sometimes I can learn something without assistance, sometimes not. If I can keep the goal in mind, I will find a way and most often that way has to do with getting help from things and people.

Winter Holidays in Paradise

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, Yuletide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos”

As I listen to this song while shopping at an outdoor market where the sun is shining, even at 5:50 PM in the afternoon and the temperature is 80 degrees, I know that the holidays are different here – weird in many ways.

It started with Thanksgiving. There are hundreds of wild turkeys running around so the images are what I am used to but that’s it. Everyone still cooks turkey and gravy – but often in a pit like they cook pigs for Luaus. Added to the regular things for Thanksgiving often are dishes that are Hawaiian or Japanese or even Samoan. The diverse cultures here are very strong and as a white person I often feel a bit out of place in the shopping areas where locals shop.

The day after Thanksgiving people often put up their trees. The trees are shipped in from Oregon and California and are very expensive - $60 often for a small tree. The lights go up on houses- often with Santa and a sleigh or a snowman or other winter theme. Yet it is warm and no one here sees snow unless they go to the top of Mauna Kea after a storm.

Other music I have heard includes Christmas songs sung in Hawaiian. The tune is familiar but I do not understand the words. I have been struck with how having another language makes this state so different from our other 49. This really is another country that happens to be a state. And I am sad to read about the history of this state. I have learned that the US basically invaded and took over a foreign land. We brought disease and creatures that destroyed so much of the native animals, plants and way of life. The missionaries shamed the people so deeply that even today most Hawaiians are the most dressed- even at the beaches.

But back to the holidays. The poinsettias are blooming. They are large bushes – like our roddies in the northwest and they are covered in brilliant red flowers, often double flowers.

I love to celebrate the solstice – the return of the light, but in Hawaii, the change in daylight is only about 1 ½ hours over the year. All the symbolic tales of the child being born at the darkest time of year, of hope and faith returning in the dark just doesn’t seem to connect with my experience here.

I am told that New Years will bring many fireworks. We in Seattle know about this but for folks back east – the tradition comes from Asia and it makes the New Year noisy and bright.

I am missing the holidays in the north. I find I am so surprised by that because I have so often found them to be stressful and not enjoyable. This year is giving me so many new perspectives. They are my gifts this year.

Homesickness

It has taken eight months for my homesickness to set in. I am surprised as anyone that it should arrive while I am in beautiful Hawaii. Perhaps though it is precisely because I am in such a beautiful place that I am so aware of missing Seattle.

Most of this trip I have moved from place to place with only a few days or perhaps a week at each spot. During the summer my home base was New Jersey and my sister’s house. I did not feel homesick there but then in a way I was home, the home area I grew up in. The land was familiar, the weather familiar and the people I mostly saw and connected with I had know all or most of my life.

When I left the east and headed back to Seattle, on my way to Hawaii, I was annoyed to be in Seattle. The grey of the fall had begun, it seemed like I had never left and whatever big AH HA I thought I would have in my year of travel had not happened. I still wanted to move on, explore new places and be in the sun.

I had a taste of homesickness on Maui. I began to realize that even in Paradise, every day life creeps in and the weather alone does not give meaning to life. I began to yearn for the deep connections I had in Seattle. I talked more often to the friends that I had who had been with me through the 27 years I have been there. Now I was in a place where I knew almost no one and I wasn’t just traveling and I wasn’t working and I felt lonely in a way that I hadn’t yet on this adventure.

My brief time a Kalani Retreat Center confirmed for me that the time of isolation and retreat was ended and it was time to move into a more active involvement with the world. When I contacted my friend in Kona and had the opportunity to move there I was thrilled.

In the last month I have learned, perhaps, the most important lessons of my trip. Here in Kona I have connected with a small group of women who have been so kind and generous. I have some work to structure my days and the weather is great. Still I have a growing sense of homesickness – what is that about? I even found myself wishing I could put on long pants and a sweater!

Moving to a place where I have little or no long-term connections is hard at 53, even when I am here for a few months. In order to tell something about my history or myself I generally have to tell 3-4 things first. The investment I have in my community in Seattle has become so much clearer to me now. While the weather is great here, the everyday hassles of living are just like they are anywhere. There is also a bit of a guilty feeling that creeps in if you don’t feel great everyday – since the beauty and sunny weather are all around you as are so many happy faced tourists.

I now know that WHO I spend my life with is more important than WHERE I spend it. If I were partnered I could imagine living away from Seattle more. I would know that each day I would have someone who knew me as I developed friendships. People in midlife have settled on friends for the most part. Oh, we let in a few more here and there but the richness of long-term friends is so important. We have been through so much of life together.

So I am making plans to head back to Seattle, probably after the New Year. I would love to be here during the winter months but that time will come. For now I will work to keep the sun in my heart as well as the new love I have discovered for my hometown.

Ordinary Paradise

What would life be like in Paradise if it were everyday? My first hint came when I was in a mile long back up on the “highway” on Maui. Road construction had stopped traffic. I wanted to get to the beach, hurry up! I caught myself that day. I was astonished to see that with a few weeks of being in Hawaii I had forgotten my easy, vacation attitude.

It seems that the reason we all love vacations in the tropics is because they can lift us out of our everydayness. We break from worry and timelines and ‘got to be there’. We slow down and see things differently. On Maui I counted rainbows and orchids. I thrilled at the colors. But slowly, after two weeks or so I started to take the world I was in for granted a bit. I stopped watching the weather because it was always nice, then I expected it to be nice and didn’t pay much attention to it, or the beauty of it. I ran errands – the post office, buy groceries and slowly the every day way life crept in.

Here on the Big Island of Hawaii, I have been to the beach three times – but they all happened in the first week or so. Now that I can go whenever I want to – I don’t. I let other things get more important. I have helped the woman who I am living with get her garbage to the dump, return movies to the video store, and get an estimate on her car for repairs. All things that can happen anywhere you live. I can see how I could so easily take the beautiful view from her Lanai for granted, or the sunshine, or the bougainvillea spilling outrageous colors over walls and houses.

Being in paradise, or anywhere else won’t guarantee that any of us will appreciate it. We have to commit to it. I have to choose to see the beauty anew each day. Hawaii has lots of problems, just like any other place. Traffic, high prices, crime. If I think I can escape them because the land is so beautiful, I am mistaken. My worries and fears are still with me as well. I can’t escape them either.

On vacation we take a break from so much more than work, we break from ourselves and our everyday worries. If I choose and commit I can keep that vacation spirit alive wherever I am. Wherever I go, I take myself, so I am learning to keep the best of me, the one that is filled with gratitude and kindness and let her live in paradise or wherever.

Mauna Kea and the Stars

Mauna kea is the tallest mountain in the Hawaiian Islands. It sits in the central part of the big island of Hawaii. Most years it is snowcapped in winter. The island then is the only place on earth that you can swim in the warm water of the Pacific in the morning and ski in the afternoon. You can also drive to the top of the mountain.

I have not taken tours on this trip but I joined my friend, Estee, her husband, and sister to see the sunset on top of Mauna Loa. The roads to the mountain are very rugged and not good for cars so it was great to have a tour and a guide to get us there. We left Kailua-Kona at about 1:30 in the afternoon.

The trip up was filed with open plains, stories of the ancient Hawaiians and seeing interesting flora and fauna. We stopped at 7000 ft to have an early dinner. Having a full stomach helps to prevent altitude sickness. After stopping at an abandon sheep cowboy camp to eat we continued up the mountain on a dirt road. The visitor’s center is at 9000 ft. We went on pass the center for the sunset.

At the top on Mauna Kea are many huge telescopes. It is the worlds largest observatory.The air is the cleanest and clearest of anywhere on earth. Astronomers from all over the world travel to the mountaintop to do research. The clouds had hung with us as we went up the mountain but as we passed the visitors center we traveled out and above the clouds. Our guides had brought along heavy winter parkas for us – it was below freezing up there – much different than the 80+ degrees it had been in town. The sunset was going down.

It was amazing and awe inspiring to see a sunset at 13,796 ft (only about 600 ft shorter than Mt. Rainier in WA!). It is the tallest mountain in the world when measesure from its base below sealevel. I had a sense of what it must be like for mountain climbers to reach the top of a mountain and be thrilled with the view. It was as if you could see the ends of the earth. The clouds below kept us from seeing the ocean. The sky, went of forever and the colors were spectacular!

After the sunset we quickly traveled back to 9000 ft to stargaze. The full moon had been a few days before and we needed to see the stars before the moon rose and created too much light. I got see the Milky Way, Jupiter, three shooting stars, a satellite orbiting, and a whole galaxy next to ours! The telescopes were amazing. As we were getting ready to leave, the moon was clear and huge , so we took time to view the moon through the high power telescope the tour guides brought. I could see craters!

The whole trip left me with a sense of the infinite and finite. I felt the infinite possibilities in the view and the Milky Way. And I felt finite in the smallness of humanity and myself. I felt sad in a way to know that there are so few places on earth left that have clear enough air to fully see the stars. Returning to Kona the air got thicker and warmer. I have not seen the mountain from sea level yet. It is most often covered in clouds. But I know where it is and I remember – remember the infinite possibilities for us all.

Going to the Sunny side of the Island

Just after I wrote last, I came to realize that staying at Kalani for three months is not what I was called to do. Writing on this trip has helped me so many times to clarify my thoughts and feelings and I am grateful for that.

I realized that I felt way too isolated at Kalani and while the people I met there were wonderful I just didn’t have it in me to start a whole new community. Did I mention that it also rained everyday at Kalani and that I always felt vaguely wet? I have a deep and loving community in Seattle and being part of the recovery community has allowed me to make this trip and find community wherever I go. After praying and listening for what to do I emailed a friend who lives in Kailua-Kona on the opposite side of the island of Hawaii.

I asked my friend if she knew of any possibilities for house sitting or perhaps a job near her. I figured I would trust that if it was meant for me to leave I would find something and if not I would stay at Kalani. Within a few hours, my friend had found me housing for a few weeks and the possibility of two different jobs! Not only that, her sister was visiting and they had planned to drive over to the part of the island on I was in two days, so they came and picked me up! I felt truly blessed!

I left Kalani on Tuesday, October, 23rd. It was raining as we left and I felt good about my decision. We visited Volcano National Park on the way back and I was taken to the house I could stay in after dinner with my friend and her sister. It is a beautiful house that overlooks Kailua Bay. I had my own bathroom (not sharing with 13 others) and a wonderful bedroom to myself. I will be able to stay here for almost three weeks.

If I learn nothing else on this trip, I hope I will remember that there is always help available and that listening to my heart is a good thing. I am so glad I met the folks I did at Kalani and that I had the experiences I did have there. I am just as glad to be on the sunny side of the island now near a community of support that is more familiar to me.

Already I have had the opportunity to swim and snorkel and meet new friends. I even got to travel to the top of Mauna Koa Mountain to see the sunset. But that is another entry.

Thank you to everyone at Kalani and especially Estee for her friendship and support to help me get to this sunny side!

Life at Kalani

It started with a Google search: “volunteer at retreat centers”. Kalani Oceanside Retreat came up. The center is located 45 minutes from Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii. This is the rainy side of the island and so it is wet, lush and beautiful.

I am living in a double room with a woman from Texas who is older. I share a single bathroom with 13 other volunteers! Most volunteers seem to be in their late 20’s and gay – men and women. The center is promoted as a gay destination. We work at various jobs (I work in the kitchen) about 25 hrs per week and the rest of the time is our own. The black sand beach is 1½ miles down the road. One volunteer told me she swam with dolphins at the beach yesterday. Today I went into the one street town of Pahoa. It’s the one place I can get cell coverage. This is a very isolated part of the island.

What have I learned so far?

1. Bugs don’t bother me- there are a ton here! There are lots of tiny sugar ants, flying cockroaches, and mosquitoes.
2. I don’t like being damp all the time. It’s almost like Seattle only warm and so nothing dries out. Mold grows on everything really fast. The winter is the rainy season – something I didn’t know before I came.
3. Sharing a room again for the first time in over 30 years is quite different and a bit of a challenge.
4. Being an oldster is a new experience. Most of the folks here could be my children.
5. Having so many gay men here, I feel invisible as a woman.
6. I am not a hippie. Most people here are very alternative in their views and lifestyles. I am much more mainstream than I thought.
7. I do like that I have a lot of support for the adventure I am on. Most everyone here is on sometime of journey or they have ended a journey by living at Kalani full time.

Surprisingly, I am recognizing that being alone and away from family and friends is losing it’s appeal. Most folks here are looking to ‘find themselves’ and have time to just ‘be’. They are getting away from or leaving behind an old life. I have been doing that for 8 months and now I find I am not so interested in that anymore. I have learned a lot about just ‘being’. Also, I am getting very tired of living out of suitcases and meeting new people all the time. I want to start to integrate being and doing now. Working actually interests me now. Who would have thought that was going to happen?

Personalities here are wide and varied. I watch and listen to the gossip already. There is drama and knowing looks I see from the people who have lived here for many month and even years. There are cliques just like in any small closed community.

Am I glad I came? Yes, if for no other reason than for the experience. Will I stay the full three months that I planned? Somehow I don’t think so. I am looking into going over to Kona, on the dry side of the island where I have a Seattle friend. Perhaps I can find a room and a part time job so I can stay the winter in Hawaii and fulfill a live long dream of not just visiting but living on a tropical island.

Aloha!

Walking the labyrinths

I have now walked all five labyrinths on Maui. Two of them were painted on blacktop surfaces, one was laid out in a garden with orchids around it and two were at the far west end of the island, laid out in white coral rock and overlooking the sea. Amazing!

Walking these meditation labyrinths has been especially meaningful to me. Being in Hawaii seems to be a juncture. I have now just over half way through what I plan to be a year away. I don’t know what will come next, but I have gotten much better at living in the NOW. The labyrinths help.

When I enter the labyrinth I cannot see how to get to the center. I can only see the clarity of the path for a few yards, I can see that there are twists and turns coming up but I can’t anticipate what they will be exactly. Sounds like life doesn’t it? All but one of the labyrinths here is based on the original one that is in the Chartres Cathedral in France. The first few steps into the labyrinth look like they will take me right to the center but –no- the path turns and follows right next to the center but there is a barrier of rocks which tell me that I will not get there right away. I must keep walking.

It seems that when I start out a project or a plan or a dream, the same thing happens. The energy of the beginning moves me quickly into the experience and I believe it will be created or finished soon. Along the way though I have twists and turns in the process. No real dead ends but rather adjustments that need to be made and often it seems like my goal gets further and further away. It is so with the labyrinth. After walking so close to the center, the path takes me right out to the far edge and then slowly brings me to the center. I try to look far ahead to see how or what will be the path, but it is useless. The only way to see it is to do it, walk it, and find out in the walking. So I stop looking ahead and focus on each step.

That is the journey for this year – to focus on each step and not try to look too far ahead. Fears of financial ruin or lifelong lonely drifting come up but I make myself come back to the present, to what I have, to the support I know, to the gratitude I feel and I trust that I will get to the center of things and then return with peace, abundance, love, and passion.

Life on Maui Part II

Well here are a few hard things about Maui: gas is $3.58 a gallon, milk is $9.00 for a gallon and I looked at getting a red pepper in the supermarket and it would have been over $2.00. The cost of living is 27% higher than Seattle (found that on a website)! And we who come from Seattle know how high it is for us. The largest crime on the island is breaking and entering – cars and houses.

Now back to the good stuff. I have stopped watch the weather on TV since it is the same every day! Where I am staying is at the junction of the wetter part of the island and drier part so almost every afternoon since I have been here there has been a brief light shower while the sun is out sooooo …. I have seen 4 rainbows! They are so magical and I hopeful. I know now why the Hawaiian license plate has a rainbow on it.

On my journey this year I have had the chance to find a number of Labyrinths. I have walked them in Sedona, AZ and Galveston, TX and now Maui!

A labyrinth is a spiritual tool, a body prayer, a walking meditation, and a mystical experience. The motif is unique to the gothic Notre-Dame de Chartres Cathedral located 42 miles southwest of Paris and dating to 1220 A.D. There an ancient 42-foot diameter labyrinth is embedded in the paving stones of the nave floor. Nota bene, a labyrinth is not a maze. There are no forks in the road or confusing dead ends. The labyrinth is unicursal. The path never crosses over itself and culminates in only a single cul-de-sac, the goal at the center. To walk a labyrinth one simply enters and follows the meandering course to the center; pauses to meditate; then retraces the exact path out, from the sacred to the everyday world.

There are five labyrinths on Maui. One at an Orchid Garden, one at a Catholic school, one at an Episcopal Church and two built from white coral overlooking the ocean. I have been to two so far and have plans to see and walk another today and then the two coral ones soon. Visiting them and walking the meditations gives me a focus for the day and feels very grounding.

While I am occasionally lonely here (there are lots of honeymoon type couples around the resort areas) I know that this is a resting spot for me. Thanks to all of your who answer and listen when I call- especially when I tell you it is sunny here and raining where you are.

Life on Maui Part I

I have now been on Maui for a week. A friend from Seattle sent me a picture of the rainy day she was having and I must admit that I was happy not to be there. The best thing so far about Maui is the weather. It is about 84 every day and about 70 every night. We have very brief showers about every other day and sometimes it is a bit windy. The sun is up at 6:30 and down at 6:30. The days won’t get much shorter than now as the solstice draws near. I like the sameness, I like the sun, and I like the breezes.


I am staying at a friend’s house in Makawao. Makawao is ‘up country’ towards the dormant volcano and on the northeast side of the island. We get more rain here (1500ft above sea level) than where the resorts are. The resorts are on the other side the island. That’s fine with me. Here, the folks of Maui live, the year round; go to work and come home folks. It is a nice neighborhood of small houses with big lots. Some folks have two houses on the lot – one a cottage that they rent out. I am staying in a large studio apartment in a house. My windows look out on a gully of tall eucalyptus trees. Cardinals and finches come to the bird feeder and it is quiet. My friend has over 20 orchid plants, about ten are blooming now. On my morning walks I see hibiscus, plumaria, avocado trees and flowers I don’t know the names for. Wonderful.

The town of Makawao is very small, just a few blocks of old Hawaiian storefronts, most of which have shops for tourists. This is the ranching part of the island, and home to many of the new age, hippie folks of the island. People still feel safe to hitch hike and flip-flops seems like the only type of shoe that is worn. The best surfing beach is on this side of the island and so you see a lot of surfers as well.

My first weekend here I got to do two local Maui things: go to the weekly swap meet and also the County fair. The swap meet had fruits and veggies I have never seen: dragon fruit, bread and jack fruit as well as beautiful tropical flowers for pennies. There were Hawaiian gift items and locally made baked goods – all very different but I was comforted by seeing that I could get tube socks too, just like any swap meet at home!

The county fair was a mixture of familiar and new too. I am struck by how strong the native Hawaiian culture is here. I feel like I am visiting another country in some ways and I like that. The fair had displays and competitions of orchids and fruit (strange ones like at the swap meet) as well as a huge pumpkin (762 lbs)! There were the regular rides and games as well as hula shows. There was cotton candy and fried Twinkies and elephant ears as well as tripe stew, pork dishes, Philippine dishes and Korean dishes. I loved it all!

The people I have met have been very friendly. I have gone to the beach once and driven around a little. I will do more of both. I ask myself, could I live here? For the weather – yes! For everything else? I will wait and see. Part II coming soon!

Visiting

The picture is of my friend and I at her house on maui.



On my journey this year I have stayed with friends along the way. The shortest time was one night; the longest was my time with my sister in New Jersey. I was there for three months. Staying with friends has taught me so much about me. I have also learned a lot about the many ways people go about living.

Everyone I visited has their own way of folding towels or loading the dishwasher or driving the car. Each visit was like being Margaret Mead in a new culture and society. I had the chance to observe how different people went about their lives. One friend always loads the dishwasher from back to front, another has a special way the plates go in and still others don’t use the machine at all – they hand wash and then sanitize them in the washer. Everyone ‘taught’ me how to do the dishes at their house. Their way of doing it was the way – they didn’t insist – it was just their preferences. I was happy to do the chores however they wanting since they were all so gracious to let me stay.

I started to think about how I do things when I am in my own home. Is there a particular way I load the dishwasher – do I think it is the ‘right’ way? I am told the dishwasher loading preferences can create many an argument between spouses and that someone studied how many ways there were to load the dishes – there were thousands! Still the way each one of us goes about our chores is Our Way and if we do not interact with many others around those same chores, they become THE way to do them.

This year is teaching me that I do not have to hold on so tight to the way something get done. Preferences are great but they are just that – preferences. There are no rules about so many things in life. There are so many choices of how life can work and I find that my identity is less and less connected to the way I DO things as it is connected to the way I AM with things. I have grown so much more flexible this year – I hope the habit will be so set that it carries me through whatever comes next.

For now I will continue to learn about myself through the gracious gift of friends and new acquaintances, which teach me. Thank you to all of you who have housed and feed me. You are a blessing in my life!

Homeless is Seattle

The month of September has found me in Seattle until the 25th. I have been house sitting for friends and staying with others. The weather has been sunny part of the time and cloudy with rain at other times.

I have seen people who are glad to see me home…..but am I? Part of me wonders why they welcome me home- haven’t I been here all along? I feel in part like I had a dream that I traveled the US and spent the summer back east but when someone says, “Welcome Home” my mind realizes that it wasn’t a dream at all – I really have been away.

My house is rented and I have gone by to do some yard work. Part of me feels like I never left and another part is so disoriented. I try to remember to drive to the place I am staying but find the car driving to my home only to realize that it isn’t my house right now.

I have been able to act like a tourist in my own city and visit with folks leisurely. It has been good but I watch out that I don’t get too connected because I am leaving again so soon.

I have read about sabbaticals while in Seattle. The Bible speaks about not working for a year, every seven years. The people trusted that God will provide a bumper crop in the sixth year to cover what will be needed when the sabbatical years comes. Taking a year off is a way to dedicate oneself to God for a year. There is a faith that we will be provided and cared for. This is my journey this year: to dedicate myself to discover and grow my connection with God and build my faith and trust that I will be cared for.


Tuesday, September 25th I leave for Maui. I am house sitting for a good friend for almost three weeks. Living on a tropical island has been on my list of things to do in my lifetime so now I will get a chance. My friend lives far away from the resorts so I will get to experience real island living. Then on October 14th I will go to the Big Island of Hawaii.

I am going to work at Kalani Oceanside Retreat as a volunteer. The conference retreat center operates with volunteers who work and live at the center for three months. I will work in the kitchen four days a week and then spend time doing yoga, swimming, reading and creating a new dream for my life. It is exciting and a bit scary – living in a community will be new for me, cell phones don’t work well and there is no TV!

I am not taking the Peeps with me. It is too humid and wet on the island. I will have my stuffed Peep (see above).

I hope you like my new look. Every few years I cut my hair. This time it was to make it easy to be in the sun and water. I will keep up the blog while I am away (I will have internet at the retreat center).

Write to say hi- send prayers and good wishes – I will be doing the same for you. Aloha!

Utah

The first state I was ever in was New Jersey. That is where I was born. There were only 48 states then. The last two came into the union when I was a child.

I made it to my fiftieth state while driving back to Seattle. Utah was the last one. I had planned to make it there while driving east but a late spring snowstorm kept me from going. I wanted sun not snow so I passed up the chance to finish my states then.

I actually had been in Utah – in the Salt Lake City airport a number of times but since I was only there to change planes it didn’t seem like I could count that as actually being IN the state. Until this trip I also had only been in Kentucky because I had been in the Cincinnati airport, which oddly is in Kentucky, not Ohio.

I knew I wanted to complete my state adventure on this trip. I got to Kentucky when Rachel and I went to Chicago in May.

Some of the states were easy to get to. Growing up in the Northeast, we took family trips along the east coast often. Every college student drove to Florida at least once. I picked up more states when I drove to Seattle the first time to move there. Then it was fairly easy to pick up the west coast states. The middle seemed hardest but then I had a job that I had to travel. It was during those years that I picked up most of the Midwest. North Dakota took some doing. I got to Oklahoma because I had to be in Wichita and I had a car so I drove the 70 miles to Oklahoma just to take it off my list. Hawaii and Alaska were special trips with Rachel.

Utah was beautiful. We traveled through the Northwest corner, skipping Salt Lake City. We spent a night in Ogden. The prairies give way to the mountains and the pine trees appear again. The air was clear and dry. The Great Salt Lake is huge. We were amazed to see seagulls there but then the water is salty!


What do I now after see all the states of the US? It is a HUGE country and so very diverse. I wish all of our elected officials were required to drive through all the states and go to little towns and really see how different people think about the issues. Most want food on the table, safe schools, good friends and work to support them.

Now that I have had a taste of this whole country I feel more ready to taste the rest of the world. Keep reading to see what comes next.

Westward Ho

My daughter and I got on the road about 10 AM on Friday the 17th. Traveling across the US with a companion is a new experience. I have done the trip twice alone. I like being with someone – someone I care about. We have not seen each other this summer so there is plenty of time to talk and laugh.

We have started some daily lists on the trip: best name for a town (Lover, PA, Paw Paw, Indiana, Blue Earth, MN). Signs we think are outrageous or odd: “Toe Service” in SD, “Abstain from sex to attain your goals” in Wisconsin. And we count things: 15 signs for cheese in Wisconsin and over 50 signs advertise Wall Drugs in SD.

We have eaten fresh cheese curds in Wisconsin and buffalo burgers in South Dakota. We have seen the world’s largest Prairie Dog (a statute) and the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD ( a building covered in corn cobs and husks)

On August 21, we will drive through the Badlands and go to Mt. Rushmore.

Twenty-Seven years ago I drove these same road to move to Seattle. I remember South Dakota so well – I hated it. It was very hot, my car had no air conditioning and was running poorly (the water pump was about to go- and it did in Rapid City). The land was dry and brown and bleak. It was the day I realized I was MOVING to Seattle and not just on a trip and I was filled with fear and sadness.

This time is so different. I have a wonderful young adult daughter with me who loves to be with her mother. We share jokes and driving and philosophies of life. The land is green as they have had sufficient rain and there are huge fields of beautiful sunflowers growing along the highway.

If any one had told me 27 years ago that this would be my future I don’t think I would have believed them – it is so much better than I could have imagined! I can only suspect that the next twenty-seven years will hold at least as many wonderful surprises!

On the Road Again!

Rachel and I leave today for our trip back across the US to Seattle. We will drive through Pennsylvania, Ohio and Illinois. Then we will head north through Wisconsin to Minneapolis to see a friend of Rachel’s. After that we will head to South Dakota and Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands. Finally we will make a stop in Utah before head northwest to Seattle. That way I will then have been in every state in the USA!


I am so grateful to my sister and brother-in- law for the gift of letting me stay with them these past four months. They have cared for me and supported my questions and provided me with a save base to explore the east.

Thanks to my good friend Merrill for her support and listening ear. Thank you to Barbara G for letting me sound off to her and be a part of her new journey. Thank you to the folks in the rooms that welcomed me with open arms.

Thank you to the friend I have made through being on Car Talk who has followed my journey and stayed in touch all this time. Thank you to my friends in Seattle who have continued to cheer me on.

I know it not only takes a village to raise a child but also to help anyone find their dream. As I travel the next part of this adventure – know that I will keep you all with me!

Time to Move On

I love New York and New Jersey and all things eastern AND it is time to go.

Where else but New York City could you see a Naked Singing Cowboy in Times Square on the same day that you see Van Gogh’s Starry Night at the Museum of Modern Art? Where else can you ride the subway and see and hear people from at least 10 different countries? Where else can you be in the same city and see beautiful parks and high rises and streets filled with garbage bags and people waiting for food kitchens to open? Everything happens in New York. The drivers are crazy (they even get mad when they are not voted the “most aggressive” in the country. The food is amazing – I saw a sign for Cuban and Chinese food – at the same restaurant.

The people are as passionate as the come about their city and proud of being “the greatest city on earth". It may be.

New Jersey is filled with beautiful rolling hills where I am staying. Homes built in the early 1700’s are common. History is all around me. Farms have corn growing and cows grazing and then there is “the shore”.

The “Shore” refers to the beaches of New Jersey. I know of no other state that refers to its coastline as “the shore”. From Asbury Park (home to Bruce Springsteen) to Cape May, everyone here has her favorite place. Each town “owns” their beach so there is quite the controversy that exists about access to the beach. Towns sell ‘tags’ to get on the beach each day. Old grand homes sit right on the beach in many towns and crowds? Yes in the most densely populated state – there are crowds!

Next week, I leave the northeast. It has been wonderful to be here this summer. My sister and brother in-law have been so very generous and kind to have me stay with them. I wanted to spend time in the northeast again because there was a part of me that thought I might be called to live here again. I am not. I know now that I could live here and be fairly happy but I choose not to. My heart has become so much more of a westerner than I knew before coming east again. I hope I can be back to visit more often than in the past but living here is not for me- at least not now.

Update

As the dog days of summer arrive, I find that writing has become hard to do. I think about it but then I just don’t do it.

July was filled with trips to the beach, reading in the sun, walking and running regularly. I also traveled back to Seattle to be with the women’s group I have been a part of for 25 years. It was very odd to be a visitor in my hometown.

I stayed with friends before leaving with the women for our retreat. I did not have a car so I depended on my daughter for rides. I saw the city a little more through the eyes of a tourist. I connected with a few folks but since I would be there such a short time I did not let everyone know. I felt a bit like a space alien.

Friends would say “ It is so good to have you home” and I would be perplexed. Part of me didn’t connect that I had been away at all – what were they talking about? I live in Seattle – I haven’t been away. Then another part of my brain would track that yes – I have been away for 4 months. Maybe though, my trip had been a long dream I had had and I really had never left Seattle. I felt very confused.

Having five days with the women who I am most close to helped to ground me. We laughed and shared and ate wonderful meals. We had long walks and long talks about every imaginable topic. I had a chance to go more in depth with what this experience of my trip has been. They are truly sisters of my heart.

By the time I had to leave I knew one truth of this adventure. I love so many parts of the East Coast. My roots are here and so are many family members and old friends. I used to think I would never want to live here again though and part of being here for three months was to see if I was called to return. I am not. I could live here and be a kind of happy but as of now I choose not to – the West calls me home.

So what now?? My daughter if flying out east in mid August and driving with me back across the country. It will be a faster trip – only 7 days. I will be in Seattle for September and then on to Hawaii for 3 ½ months! More to come about this next exciting part of my adventure.

Thunderstorms, Fireflies, and Jersey Tomatoes, Summer in New Jersey.

Being back in New Jersey for summer has been a time traveling experience. The hazy, hot and humid days make my skin sweat and never dry. The thunderstorms that come every few days can wake me in the middle of the night or make driving home from the shore quite exciting. Sitting down to eat Jersey corn and tomatoes brings a smile to my face. Fireflies provide fireworks every night. I love it.

I am transported back to my childhood at every turn. As my feet burn on the flagstone sidewalks near the beach, I am again seven years old. As I shuck corn to cook and eat, I am eleven and sitting with my grandmother on the back porch doing the same task. As I see the fireflies I am five and chasing them – hoping to catch one and keep it in a jar to see its light up close. I have time these days to feel the summer as I did as a child – long and lazy.

Another part of me though is right here in 2007. Folks in New Jersey and New York seem to enjoy complaining – it seems to be a form of entertainment. Talk radio is made up of talk about corrupt politicians and “terrible” laws being passed. When I am in New York City, I am newly overwhelmed with the size and the crowds,the noise and the dirt. Everyone is very busy, even when it is very hot. The real estate section of the New York Times seems only to have homes that start at over a million dollars. The stores on 5th Ave are very expensive and so are the cab rides.

Having lived in Seattle for 26 years and then so recently driving across the country, I see the Northeast with different eyes. I used to think everyone in the country aspired to living somewhere between Boston and Washington D.C. Surely it was the best part of the country, the most sophisticated and lively place to be. Now I see a place that seems so very different from the rest of the country as to be almost out of step with the regular world. Or perhaps it is just me as I interact with the Northeast. Perhaps it is me who is out of step.

There is so much that is a part of my roots and heritage here and yet it is no longer me. I had to come back to the east to see if it was calling me back and now I know that it is not. I yearn for more the more open spaces of the west and the attitudes of tolerance that I know in Seattle.

And yet… I want to be here when the corn is ready and the tomatoes and red and the lightning bugs come out at night.

Update July 12, 2007

I know too much time has gone by since I updated my blog. I’d like to tell you I have been too busy to write but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is… well I don’t really know what that would be. I guess that writing hasn’t been of interest to me.

Since summer started I have been reading a lot, sitting in the sun, going to the shore, running /walking and contemplating my next step on this journey. I have been plagued with confusion and doubt about what to do next.


I have been able to get to the Jersey Shore and visit with cousins I had not seen in many years. I went to New York City and saw the Fourth of July Fireworks – amazing. They had 3 barges filled with explosives and the display went on for a half hour! New York does things in a big way. The weather was more Seattle like than east coast that day and it seemed odd since I have gotten used to it being hot.

I am exploring spending three months in Hawaii for the winter. I would house sit for a friend and then work at a retreat center on the big island. I have also applied to the International Executive Corps. They place consultants for short and longer stays abroad, helping businesses and non- governmental agencies (non-profits). I have also found out more about getting a certificate to teach English as a second language so I can travel and teach and get paid!

Just in the past week I have found myself missing having a home, a place of my own. Living with my sister has been great and for a while I really liked not feeling bound anywhere. Now I find myself wanting to really unpack and have my own space – but where? I am not ready to return to Seattle full time. I will return for a while before going to Hawaii. But I am not ready to ‘go home’.

I am getting ready to want to leave the east coast. But that’s another entry.

On July 18th I am flying back to Seattle for ten days to visit my daughter and go on retreat with the women’s group I have been part of for over 25 years! I am looking forward to seeing everyone, even though I feel a bit adrift again. I know the love and care of good friends will help.

More later! Libbie

Homeless

Traveling the country and staying as a guest at my sister and brother-n-law’s house, I feel somewhat homeless. Now the truth is that I am not homeless as many are in this country. I have resources and support and assistance if I need it. But the sense of being rootless is very apparent to me.

I often go looking for things. During my road trip I had to remember what bag things were in or if I had even brought the item with me. At my sister’s house, I have a great room all to myself but many things I brought along are under the bed. I seem to spend a lot of time searching for things. I don’t have a home for books or papers or some of my clothes. The feeling of having to search for everyday items is tiring and unsettling.

Homeless also means that my environment is not familiar. Even though I grew up in New Jersey, I haven’t lived here since I was eighteen. I don’t know how to get places. I need a map. The way people talk is different and ways of doing things are different. Each place I visited on my road trip pointed out to me that I was not at home.

The good thing about being homeless is that I experience my life and reactions to things in a new way. My mind and heart opens and I find myself more open to seeing life and possibilities in a new way. When I can stay in that mind set then being on this adventure is energizing and enlightening.

Some days though, I crave something familiar, something to comfort me. I meet someone who has been to Seattle and all I want to do is talk with them about the place I love. I want to have my belongings neat and tidy and in places I can get to easily and consistently.

The desire for adventure and newness conflicts with the yearning for comfort and familiarity. I love meeting new people and at the same time I want to see my friends and daughter. I change my moods about three times a day. Transition seems to be the norm.

All these different feelings seem to reflect an interior reality as well. I am on this adventure internally as well and there I find how much I love the new ways of thinking and feeling and at the same time I pray that I will be comfortable inside and I am not. My ways of being are changing and I feel uneasy and excited and lonely and alive all at the same time. Ultimately, the sense of home has to settle within. I have to have faith that it will.

Doldrums

Definition: A belt of calm and light baffling winds north of the equator between the northern and southern trade winds in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

I found out recently where the word doldrums comes from. It is a sailing term. The winds just stop, they are “calm and baffling” I am in the doldrums!

It started a week or so ago. Just as I was leaving with my sister to go to Key West it hit. No energy, no wind. I talked with a friend who has a brother who sails and found out more about this nautical term. He and his wife had experienced the doldrums while sailing to Hawaii.

When the winds stopped there was nothing they could do. They just had to wait. Then they noticed that the sea became smooth as a quiet lake and oil from other ships began to collect since there was no wind to move the water. Ocean junk appeared as well. Debris and stuff that normally would move on by or be turned under by waves appeared against the boat. The doldrums happen at a junction: between the Northern and Southern Hemisphere - at a turning point. They were powerless to make the wind come. They had to wait.

I imagine that they contented themselves with the wait some of the time and at other times were frustrated by it. I know it went on for days. Reading books and doing maintenance tasks occupied them but they really wanted to be sailing – sailing to Hawaii. The destination was interrupted, the journey stalled.

That’s where I am today. Stalled. It was so clear to me when I left Seattle: drive the country, go to Bisbee, AZ., attend my reunion, a driving trip with my daughter and then going all the way to Key West, FL – the end of the continental US. I was thinking ‘journey’ but now I see I was more about ‘destination’.

Now what? The doldrums. I cannot force a next step in this adventure. I have gone as far as my driving headlights could see on a dark night. I want to find a big motor and MAKE the wind come. I don’t want to do maintenance or look at my junk that comes up in me as I sit. I want to be about what’s next, the next destination.

And yet this is what is and so I must find a way to accept it and live with it until the winds of the next change come. This doldrums is part of the experience. I need to embrace the journey.

The winds will come – they always do. The weather changes, the days grow longer and then shorter and then longer again. It’s life and I hope that on this adventure I really embrace that truth more and relax, smile, read a book or take a walk ,or send an email while I wait out the doldrums. If I can remember the natical term perhaps I will remember that the doldrums happen at the turning point between two great things. I just have to wait.

Update June 11, 2007

I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything since June 1!! The picture here is of my friends from Seattle that I met up with in Boston for quick trip!

The end of May was filled with getting my daughter packed up from school and a trip to Chicago with her. A road trip with someone was a new thing and I liked it! We traveled through PA and then to Akron, Ohio for our first night. We stayed in the Quaker Oats factory that had been converted into a hotel. The rooms were in the old silos and ROUND! It was fun. Ohio was very flat to Rachel who is used to the mountains and hills of the Northwest.

From Akron we traveled on small state roads to Lake Erie and then onto Indiana where we spent the night in Michigan City. Rachel got to see her first two Great Lakes in one day. The next day we were on to Ann Arbor to see a roommate of hers from school and see the town. It is a fun college town and we had a great lunch at Zimmerman’s deli. Go if you have the chance.

Off to Chicago for the Art Institute. We had planned the trip around going to this wonderful art museum and we were not disappointed! We spent five hours there and still did not see everything! Thankfully it was rainy out so we didn’t miss being in the sun. The next day we spent walking the magnificent mile of Michigan Ave. and visiting with Rachel’s childhood friend who attends the University of Chicago. I loved seeing her life and yet yearned to be back in that student life – although the crammed student apartment didn’t appeal.

I put Rachel on a plane back to Seattle and then I traveled through Indiana to Kentucky. It’s the last state for me – now I have all 50. It is beautiful there but I must admit it was the first state I visited on this trip where I felt odd and uncomfortable as a woman alone. Perhaps if I had spent time in the cities of Louisville or Lexington I might not have but in the country areas – I felt that I was being looked at often. I didn’t like that.

Since returning from that trip I have been helping my sister and enjoying NJ. I have discovered though that the NE fondness for conversational arguing just for the sake of arguing is not fun for me – I want to get away from it. The fireflies though have started and I love them and we have had some great thunderstorms. We also went to a small town display of fireworks that the volunteer firedepartment put on - beautiful and very homey.

The best storm (and the scariest) came while driving to Boston. Last week, on a lark, I drove to Boston to see friends from Seattle who were there for a child’s graduation from Law School. I drove through the most incredible storm – 40 miles of thunder and lightning and hail! I had to pull over once and then crawl at 10-20 miles per hour for some time. That wasn’t even the most exciting part of the trip!

While approaching the Tappen Zee bridge in New York state (near Bear Mtn) A BEAR ran across all four lanes of the highway!!! I gasped as I saw it and then feared the bear would be hit and then relieved when it wasn’t and then scared that the cars and trucks in front of me who braked to avoid it would then hit each other and I would hit them! Wow, it was the most exciting and scary driving day of my whole trip!

Today I am writing from Ft.Lauderdale , Fl. My sister and I found cheap flights (cheaper than driving) and decided to head south so I could fulfill a long time dream to go to Key West. It’s as far away from Seattle as I can get and still be in the US. We will drive there tomorrow so I will write more about the trip then.

I miss everyone I love a lot right now. I promise to write more and stay connected. I love to hear from you all.

Thanks, Libbie

Reunion

One of the main reasons for setting out on my adventure this year was connected to my 35th high school reunion. Now that reunion is past and I find myself still sorting through it. Why was it so important to go? What did I expect and what did I receive?

I went to a small all girls’ prep school in New Jersey. I entered in the fall of 1968 – a year after the summer of love in San Francisco. Yet in New Jersey, at my school, we were required to wear uniforms and the head of the school would make you knee in front of her to show that your skirt was not above your knees!

Huge changes were rumbling around the world. John Kennedy was gone, so too Martin Luther King and Bobbie Kennedy and yet in the bubble of the school that first year of high school it might have been the fifties for the way we thought of ourselves and the world. We were privileged white girls (we did have the first black student in our class). We expected we would always want to wear penny loafers and Peter Pan collar dresses and go on to college for our Mrs. Degree.

In the four years of high school everything changed for us and for the world. The shootings at Kent State happened, Woodstock happened, and we began to find our voices with the first Earth Day, protesting the Vietnam War, arguing about uniforms, and experimenting with drugs at school. I have some sympathy for the administration that I don’t think ever saw what was coming.


Thirty-five years later, the women who came to the reunion were a fabulous gathering of accomplished women – not all in usual ways. In our class there are doctors and businesswomen,professors annd educators of colleges ad universities, artists, whale researchers and mothers, financial wizards and explorers. Somehow in the turbulent growing up time we managed to expand and develop unique lives. We were still breaking the rules as we had done in high school.

Our class had been known to do that – break rules and so even at the reunion when we were all being ‘too loud’ while speeches were going on, we found ourselves being told to be quiet by older class groups. We chose instead to move to another part of the campus and keep talking. We shared stories how what an amazing time in history that we had been in school and how it had affected us. We had such a wide range of experiences; the pretenses of impressing each other were past.

Why was it important to go? I think I needed to know that I wasn’t crazy – that the time of being in high school had been important. I needed to see others having had made unique choices that didn’t fit the norm – it seemed like we had never fit the norm then and still didn’t now. I got to talk with kind and concerned women – to see us alive and kicking – still very much on a path of growth and change – there was no slinking off into old age for us. We got to celebrate our roots and be thrilled to see the changes at the school. No longer was there just one student of color – now there were faces of many different hues. One of our classmate’s daughters goes to the school now – the only legacy from our class. She is a bright, thoughtful girl who was so glad to meet her Mom’s friends and hear about the ‘old’ days. I left with hope that another generation of women could learn to make their way on their own terms- whatever they wanted them to be. I also felt inspired to keep breaking the rules and finding my own true way and being thankful for a place that I didn’t think set out to teach me that but in fact had.

The peeps Come Home

I think it was somewhere in Arizona that I realized I knew where the Peeps were manufactured. In the back of my mind I remembered watching a bit of a show on the Food Network that showed the Peeps factory in Bethlehem, PA. I also knew that the first leg of my trip would take me within 40 miles of the factory!

I found the Just Born (the Peeps Company name) website and searched for someone to email. Allyson is in the consumer affairs area and was the perfect choice. Off the email went – “ Would it be possible to visit the factory?”

I got my reply a few days later. Sadly, tours were not available but I could stop by the lobby and ask for Allyson when I arrived. I was so excited! The Peeps Pilgrimage would be complete!


Last week I went to the Just Born Facility! I brought hard copy pictures of all the Peeps adventures to show and asked for Allyson. To my surprise, I not only got to meet her, the great front desk receptionist as well as the Executive Assistant and the CEO and President!!!


The visit was so much fun! Everyone was so kind and happy to meet the Peeps and me. I had traveled so far to get them to see their home. I showed the pictures and we laughed as I shared their adventures and told them how everyone I met loved the Peeps. It was such a happy place to work!

We took lots of pictures (GO TO http://web.mac.com/estellas to see them) and I received wonderful gifts. I let everyone know I would continue to be a Peeps ambassador as I will be on more trips this year. I plan to keep them all posted on the Peeps Pilgrimage.


THANK YOU TO EVERONE I MET AT JUST BORN, INC. !!

Update: May 20, 2007

Too much time has gone by since my last update. Getting off the road and staying in one place is great but I notice I don’t have as much time to myself. The picture about is of my daughter, her firned and I at her college.

Since I wrote last I have attended my high school reunion. Eight fabulous women from the class of 72 joined other alums from our girls’ high school. We laughed and giggled and actually got in trouble for talking during speeches (some things never change). Leslie, one of my classmates has a daughter in 6th grade at the school and we enjoyed her tour of our school as well as seeing her star in the middle school musical. We told her stories and argued about when events happened. All of the women now have amazingly rich lives. I am so glad I got to see them.

I have made three trips to my daughter’s college to help her move stuff out for the summer. I so enjoy spending time with 20 something’s. They have such active minds and I learn new things every time I am with them. They are so much smarted than I was then or perhaps even now.

I got a chance to give an evening workshop on “Transitions” for a group of fourteen women. What a lively group. I will write more about that experience soon. I also had a good long visit with a friend from college. We had hours together in part due to huge thunderstorms, which passed through the area. I love east coast thunderstorms- we never have them like that in Seattle.

The biggest event of the past few days was going to the Peeps Headquarters in Bethlehem, PA! I will write a whole piece about that visit but though I couldn’t get into the factory I did meet lots of folks and got lots of pictures and gifts! My Peeps were so excited to see their home!

I promise to fill you all in more soon. I am finding a new pace for this part of the journey. I love every place I have been, everyone I have met, every idea of have for the future. I am holding all this at the same time and loving that as well!

Update: May 8, 2007

This is the first week I am not been on the road since the week I spent in Bisbee, AZ about a month ago. It has been wonderful to settle in, do laundry, and put clothing in drawers. At the same time I find myself itching to be on the road. I have found that the time I spend traveling is very creative and centering.

I am at my sister’s house in NJ. She and her husband have been wonderful in having me stay here. I have gotten to be part of a family again instead of a solo traveler. I have gone on long walks with their dogs through beautiful countryside, seen spring all over again (though my allergies weren’t happy) and had home cooking, which I missed.

I have started to connect with old friends and this weekend will attend a high school reunion – my 35th. I went to a small girls high school and so the group will be small but I hoe we will have time to really share about life since high school. Yesterday I got to visit the parents of my best friend from high school. Sarah died in her 30’s and I have tried to stay in touch with her parents – not as well as I would have wished but it was so good to see them and share a bit. I missed my friend.

I also have had the opportunity to help my sister with her retail store. She owns a great dog and cat boutique in Chester NJ. It is fun to meet new people, see how hard it is to run a store and be of help. The picture is of her, a friend and the Peeps at a fundraising run for the volunteer fire department in Chester. I am getting to experience small town living in NJ!

I will keep up the updates and stories as they come. I will be on the road again at the end of the month with a “Gilmore Girls’ trip with my daughter! Stay tuned!

Weekly update 5

The big news is that I have arrived in New Jersey ending the first leg of this adventure!! The trip has been great and I have enjoyed most every minute.

Since I wrote the last update I have spent time in North Carolina with a friend from graduate school. I watched three soccer games and one rugby game that her sons were in. I don’t know how I would have parented boys – they play hard and eat so much! It was great to see the Charlotte area.

From Charlotte I drove north through western Virginia, West Virginia, and a tiny bit of Maryland before spending my last night on the road in Chambersburg, PA. I enjoyed that last night and then headed to eastern PA. I had planned on seeing my daughter in a dance show at her college near Philadelphia on Saturday the 28th but surprised her on Friday with a stop and a hug (see pictures). It was great to see her, as I hadn’t been with her since Christmas.

I left the Philly area and drove on to western NJ to my sister’s. I felt so grateful for a safe trip and for all the love that had helped me on my way. Spring is late here so I was surprised and delighted to see daffodils blooming just as I got off the exit on Interstate 78 to go to my sisters.

It seems like the circle was completed. Those wonderful flowers had encouraged me my first day on the trip in Oregon and now they were welcoming me to New Jersey at this first ending.

What is to come now???? I think a road trip at the end of May with my daughter – west to Chicago and then through Kentucky (one of only two states I have never been in). Then sometime this summer another leg will be to travel to Key West, FL so I can say I got as far away from Seattle as possible in the USA.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I will continue to write and post pictures. I love hearing from you either by email or by posting a comment.

Resurrection

After reading the diaries from 6th, 7th, and 8th grade I was eager to see my old friend. Marie and I have known each other since we were eight years old. Our paths went separate ways when I went to a different high school and then on to college. Marie got married and had children right out of high school and soon moved to Louisiana. My visit with her would be only the second time we had seen each other since around her wedding – 35 years ago.

The first time I saw her after her wedding was 28 years ago, when we were 24 years old. I was in graduate school and had spent the summer in Alabama teaching African American children in summer school. Marie lived near New Orleans and had two small children, grew her own herbs and vegetables and was looking to have a plant nursery. I drove from Alabama to Louisiana along the gulf coast to get to her house. I loved the old hotels of Biloxi, MS, the beautiful white beaches, and the steamy weather.

We had a good visit. We shared our history and told each other some secrets from our childhood. I vividly remember going with Marie and her daughter to see The Muppet Movie. It was great, funny, and uplifting. Kermit sings in the last song of the movie:
” Life’s like a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending. We’ve done just what we’ve set out to do, thanks to the lovers, the dreamers and you.”

The lyrics have stayed with me. They spoke to me of how my life felt then – full of possibilities and optimism. Marie and I were just getting our dream lives together then and we were ready to be all that we could be.

This trip I saw Marie again. Twenty-eight years later, life had added wrinkles and challenges to us both. We laughed about our childhood but also shared the pain of our families. We had lost parents, babies, and money. We both had had health challenges and parenting challenges, marriage challanges and generally been thrown around by life. Still we were happy to have our history and to know we had weathered it all and that life still held possibilities and hope.

After I left her house I again drove the gulf coast as I had done 28 years ago. I wanted especially to see Biloxi since Hurricane Katrina. As I turned onto Rt. 90 a piece of music came on a classical station I was listening to: Requiem for a Dead Princess by Ravel. It was so moving and so appropriate for all the destruction I saw. I cried as I listened, for the town of Biloxi and for Marie and I. We were no longer young princesses of our lives. We had lived through many life hurricanes and losses and yet…

I stopped in Biloxi and talked with a local man. I asked how they were doing and he was filled with hope: “ We will be better than we were, we are doing well, thanks” and then I remembered Kermit’s words: “Write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending. We’ve done just what we’ve set out to do. Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.”

Marie and I would flourish and so would the gulf coast, thanks to all those who have and will support them and us.

Churches

I love looking at churches. I sort of knew this about me on trips before but on this trip it has become very evident. I go for the historical ones. It doesn’t matter what denomination – what matters is the look, the architecture, and the history. I like trying to guess what denomination a Christian Church is before I see the sign. I am right most of the time.

Now there is a reason in part for my fascination. I am a minister by education and part of my work life, so being around churches has filled me with meaning and a connection with a higher power. There is a comfort and safety I experience often in a church building.

The first church I saw on this trip was the mission church of Santa Clara in California. It was part of the trail of missions built in the early 1800’s. Thick adobe walls and shining tile floors made for a cool dark interior that was restful and peaceful. The next church I remember seeing was the Cathedral of the Rock, a Catholic Church built into the Red Rocks near Sedona, AZ. The son of Frank Lloyd Wright designed it. It is modern and organically connected to the environment, with huge glass windows so the outside was part of the inside. Amazing

In Tombstone, AZ I saw the outside of the historic church that stood there when the shootout at the OK Corral happened and in Bisbee, AZ I went to Easter Sunday services at the historic Episcopal Church, a small warm and friendly place that welcomed me well.

In Texas I saw three of the famous ‘Painted Churches” between Austinand Houston. Immigrants from Eastern Europe built them and painted them very vivid colors on the inside. The buildings were country gothic and way out in the country. In Galveston I saw the historic Catholic Church, all white stucco and very imposing. It was in the only part of town that survived the hurricane that wiped out Galveston 100 years ago.

I saw the church that has meant the most to me the day after I visited with my friend near New Orleans. I headed east on Interstate 10 and took the Gulfport, MS exit. Twenty-eight years ago I had driven route 90 along the Gulf coast on my way to visit that same friend and had loved Biloxi, MS. Now I knew that Hurricane Katrina and Rita had destroyed much. I didn’t want to see it but I knew I needed to.

The image that will forever stay with me was about a church. I drove the road and to my right I would see beautiful white beach, sparkling water and calm winds. To my left I saw what I first thought must be ancient ruins. As I looked closer I could see that they were steps going up to – a concrete slab – the slab that a huge building had been on but now was gone. At the back of the slab, in the corner of the slab, stood a steeple, the only thing left of the church. It was white clapboard and badly in need of repair and paint but it was in one piece. The steeple – the symbol of the church had survived. Next to the property was a sign for the church, which proclaimed that it would be rebuilt.

Faith is a powerful thing. Destruction of property cannot destroy the faith and hope of the people. That church was a symbol of the community that the hurricane would not have the last word. While I love the buildings, it is the community that makes the church.

Weekly Update 4

Time seems to be flying by. I have now been on the road for one month. REMEMBER IF YOU WANT TO SEE PEEPS PICTURES: http://web.mac.com/estellas

I love: Seeing new things especially native wildflowers and unique regional sites, hearing new sounds – birds are so different in different parts of the country, and learning about the places I am in (I read all the local papers).

I don’t like: Drivers who pass on the right, big tracker trailers going 75 miles per hour and lugging stuff in and out of the car.


Now the update:

April 18, 2007: I left Galveston TX and took the free ferry across the bay to make my way to Louisiana. I bought gas for the cheapest this trip ($2.63) in Beaumont, Texas and then said goodbye to that huge state. Drivers in LA are the fastest and craziest I have encountered! I stopped in Baton Rouge and saw the historic state house (beautiful!) and of course – the Mississippi River. I called a few friends in Seattle and sang Old Man River to them! There is a great walk along the river and it was a beautiful day. I finished the day by arriving at my friend’s house in Ponchatoula, LA, on the north shore of Lake Pontchartrain between Baton Rouge and New Orleans.

April 19,2007: Marie and I have known each other since third grade and had not seen each other in 28 years so we caught up a lot! I got a tour of the area and saw the destruction from Hurricane Katrina. We had a great LA lunch by the lake and talked and talked and talked.

April 20,2007: I bid my friend goodbye and headed east and north. I drove the state road between Gulfport and Biloxi, Mississippi. It was very emotionally to see the devastation from the hurricane. I will write more in a separate entry. I ended up the day in La Grange, Georgia. I ate dinner at a real southern buffet: fried chicken, fried okra and fried catfish!

April 21,2007: I arrive in Huntersville, NC just north of Charlotte to visit with a friend from graduate school days. She has two sons (twins) about to graduate high school that are heavily involved with soccer. I had the chance to attend a tournament with them. It was great fun to watch them and meet NC folks.

April 22, 2007: This was the second day of the tournament – the boys’ team made to the finals but lost. We had another beautiful day and I got to try Bojangles’ famous chicken’n biscuits – a southern tradition. Luckily we got to walk and exercise too or I would be pretty heavy by now!

I will be here a few more days and then move on. I expect to be in New Jersey in a week and off the road for a while. I will keep updating you all. Thanks for reading!